Feeling self conscious about starting therapy, ladies??

[Cathyann]

Hi all-

My husband, who is a very light sleeper claims he's gotten used to my snoring but my kids say they can easily hear me from the hallway and it's loud!

Just got my machine in the mail today. Ill begin therapy tomorrow or Friday when I can learn the ins and outs.

Anyways, hubby is pretty dismissive about me needing cpap even with several diagnosis' in the last decade. (Was non-compliant in the past) This makes me feel very self conscious. It already makes me feel not sexy at all- but that's not really what I mean. Almost a guilty / shame feeling I get. How do I get over this? Yes, I know cpap will benefit me, possibly save my life, etc, but how do I get over the hump and feel comfortable about myself using it? I suppose it's mental, kind of a vanity thing...he's still a little ticked at me buying the thing...

Help.

[grayghost4]

Have your husband read this post :

20 yrs ago I purchase a cpap on Ebay for my wife, she snored and stoped breathing over and over again during the night.
She used it for 3 nights and would not use it. So it went into the closet.
Twenty years later … two strokes …. afib … Pace maker, …. loss of some mental capabilities, 100 lbs over weight.
Now she is using the cpap …. better late than never. I sure wish she had used it 20 years ago.

[Mrkdilkington2]

Just a thought, your husband is could be a light sleeper because he himself has UARS or mild OSA and is never able to sustain deep sleep.

[stepyou]

You married for better or worse so maybe tell him his support would be really great to have? I don't have a partner but I know it may be something I have to explain to someone in the future. Am I limited to people who have a Darth Vader fetish now?

[kteague]

Have your husband read this post :
20 yrs ago I purchase a cpap on Ebay for my wife, she snored and stoped breathing over and over again during the night.
She used it for 3 nights and would not use it. So it went into the closet.
Twenty years later … two strokes …. afib … Pace maker, …. loss of some mental capabilities, 100 lbs over weight.
Now she is using the cpap …. better late than never. I sure wish she had used it 20 years ago.

Wow. That's impactful! If that doesn't move him, I don't know what would.

Could it be that some of his lack of enthusiasm is he's not convinced this time will be any different than the time it ended up in the closet? It is a big investment for a doorstop. You'll probably see him start to come around when he sees you being committed to the treatment, especially if some of the symptoms that drove you to treatment begin to improve. As for feeling awkward about it, that's understandable. For a while you'll probably be hesitant to put it on before the lights are off or he's asleep. In an ideal world we could just put ourselves out there and not be deterred by what another might think, but that's easier said than done. You'll sort through it all over time. I think once you get this treatment working for you some of those feelings you're having will self resolve. Do it. Do it well. You'll feel better about yourself and he'll likely feel better about the treatment. Let us know if you have any treatment questions.

[Mudrock63]

Hi all-

My husband, who is a very light sleeper claims he's gotten used to my snoring but my kids say they can easily hear me from the hallway and it's loud!

Just got my machine in the mail today. Ill begin therapy tomorrow or Friday when I can learn the ins and outs.

Anyways, hubby is pretty dismissive about me needing cpap even with several diagnosis' in the last decade. (Was non-compliant in the past) This makes me feel very self conscious. It already makes me feel not sexy at all- but that's not really what I mean. Almost a guilty / shame feeling I get. How do I get over this? Yes, I know cpap will benefit me, possibly save my life, etc, but how do I get over the hump and feel comfortable about myself using it? I suppose it's mental, kind of a vanity thing...he's still a little ticked at me buying the thing...

Help.

How sexy are you going to feel after a stroke or heart attack? Seriously, shame on your husband for not supporting you in this. It is hard enough when you DO have support.

These machines are VERY quiet now. I would think your light sleeper would be thrilled to have you not snoring, gasping, choking throughout the night.

Why does he not support you? Because he doesn't think you will follow through? Doesn't believe the condition is real? I honestly don't get it. Would he support you if you had breast cancer? Well, this is a serious medical condition too.

As far as feeling sexy, trust me, he's a man. Once the deed is done, his primary goal is to roll over and go to sleep asap. He won't care at that point what you have strapped to your face.

[Cathyann]

Have your husband read this post :
20 yrs ago I purchase a cpap on Ebay for my wife, she snored and stoped breathing over and over again during the night.
She used it for 3 nights and would not use it. So it went into the closet.
Twenty years later … two strokes …. afib … Pace maker, …. loss of some mental capabilities, 100 lbs over weight.
Now she is using the cpap …. better late than never. I sure wish she had used it 20 years ago.

Wow. That's impactful! If that doesn't move him, I don't know what would.

Could it be that some of his lack of enthusiasm is he's not convinced this time will be any different than the time it ended up in the closet? It is a big investment for a doorstop. You'll probably see him start to come around when he sees you being committed to the treatment, especially if some of the symptoms that drove you to treatment begin to improve. As for feeling awkward about it, that's understandable. For a while you'll probably be hesitant to put it on before the lights are off or he's asleep. In an ideal world we could just put ourselves out there and not be deterred by what another might think, but that's easier said than done. You'll sort through it all over time. I think once you get this treatment working for you some of those feelings you're having will self resolve. Do it. Do it well. You'll feel better about yourself and he'll likely feel better about the treatment. Let us know if you have any treatment questions.

Kteague, I think you nailed it. I never once thought it could be from not being compliant in the past. I bet you're exactly right! also, thanks for understanding the way I'm feeling, I'm sure it will improve as I go along if I stick to it.

Thanks everyone for your input, all your points are very valid. I do think deep down some of it is me and not just m husband being unsupportive. In a sense I guess I'm not fully supporting myself either.

I'm so glad I have found my cheer leaders in this forum.

[Journey to Sleep]

Was it the cost of the machine that's making him upset? Or the fact that you have to wear a mask at night? Has he even stopped to explain why he wasn't fully on board? I think it's important to identify why he's upset.

However, the fact of the matter is, if you have been diagnosed with sleep apnea, he needs to realize how serious that is. Many people have NO CLUE that sleep apnea is a serious life threatening disorder. They just think, "oh, you snore".

If you don't think he fully understands the consequences of untreated sleep apnea, show him this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gie2dhqP2c).

If he's upset about the cost...well, I think a dummy can figure out that the cost of a CPAP pales in comparison to the future medical bills you surely would accumulate if you never treat your sleep apnea.

Best of luck to you. Don't feel self-conscious, stay confident and firm in your resolve to live a healthier life.

Your husband will come around.

[BlackSpinner]

Any partner who is not fully supportive of your medical needs is someone who should be and ex partner. If they can't support you in sickness what the hell do you want them in your life for?

[grayghost4]

Quote: If he's upset about the cost...well, I think a dummy can figure out that the cost of a CPAP pales in comparison to the future medical bills you surely would accumulate if you never treat your sleep apnea.

I am still making monthly payment for two overnight stays in the Hospital from 10 years ago ... the total for the two overnights and testing were $34,000 and she did not have insurance.
The Hospital made and adjustment after several conversations with the billing department, they reduced it to $20,000
and I am still making $200 monthly payments .

And the results of the two stay and testing were inclusive ... I know now they were the result of untreated OSA.

[Cardsfan]

I was maried for 20 yrs before I was diagnosed. I was VERY self conscious of using my machine infront of my husband. (He never made a comment either way about it). After 6 months, and feeling SO MUCH BETTER PHYSICALLY, I would not even consider sleeping without it.
So, I eventually got over feeling self conscious. It took time though.
Once you feel the benefits of cpap, you will not want to sleep without it.

[Heart Jumping]

If you find the feelings you're experiencing continuing to cause problems I personally wouldn't hesitate to find a therapist to talk about them, give yourself the importance you deserve. Best of luck.

[chunkyfrog]

I may not look sexy, but wearing the gear often makes me FEEL sexy.
{{{I'm a naughty froggie}}}. Just enough bondage to grow my little frog horns.
(Married to bullfrog for 47 years)

[PoolQ]

You will be surprised how much your personality changes when you are getting good sleep. I had no idea how far from normal my normal had gotten. The entire family enjoys the new old me. I feel bad that they had to put up with grumpy me for so long.

Get better, I bet he will enjoy getting the you he married back home again.

[BlackSpinner]

You will be surprised how much your personality changes when you are getting good sleep. I had no idea how far from normal my normal had gotten. The entire family enjoys the new old me. I feel bad that they had to put up with grumpy me for so long.

My daughter after the first month said "Don't ever stop using that! Grumpy Mama Bear is gone"