My boyfriend has apnea but refuses to treat with a machine

[gasp]

We are both overweight, but he has been sleeping on his back his entire life and I tend to sleep on my side (he's also 31, older than I am but not that old!). I snore maybe once a week

Boyfriend: Snoring often accompanies apnea, but sometimes not. Does he choke, gasp, stop breathing? Is he tired, need naps during the day, wakes up during the night?

OK, now that we've addressed the boyfriend, what about you? Who is listening to you snore besides your boyfriend, who by the sounds of it is busy snoring and sleeping himself? If your are overweight and catch yourself snoring once a week, it's likely that you may snore more than you think - but as I stated above for your boyfriend this isn't in and by itself a positive indicator of apnea. How do you answer the questions for yourself? Even if you don't know you choke or gasp, or stop breathing, are you tired when you wake up, do you wear out during the day, need naps? The best way to get your boyfriend to consider getting a diagnosis is to do it for yourself - and you have insurance if I understand by your post.

[SleepingUgly]

That is a good point, Gasp. Perhaps if she had a sleep study, it would be motivating to the boyfriend... Assuming TorontoCPAPGuy hasn't scared her so much that she's already broken up with him!

[Mary Z]

Rachel, check on your insurance and see if you are allowed coverage for a domestic partner. The qualifications are not all that stringent. I recently got dental insurance on my partners insurance from work.
Good luck,
Mary Z.

[tattooyu]

When one sleeps thru most of their apnea events, it can be hard to believe the seriousness of it. How would he respond if you told him one night you were going to watch him sleep for a while and wake him every time his breathing pauses? Then toss a cotton ball on the floor beside him for every time. When he gets up in the morning and has to step out onto the cotton balls, it will be a good visual image. He'll remember the misery of all the wakeups and you can reinforce it with telling him that's just for ___ hours.

You can't make him do anything, but I do hope you are able to influence him. Let us know how this progresses.

Kathy

Cotton balls? Use thumb tacks! That'll drive the point home... literally!

[BlackSpinner]

Is he aware that erectile dysfunction is one of the issues with sleep apnea? Hit him below the belt and buy a vibrator and put it in a prominent place and tell him it is for the times he won't be able to get it up soon.

[torontoCPAPguy]

Erectile dysfunction is a double whammy with apnea as a matter of interest. Apnea can cause ED on its own. Also, when your O2 drops as you enter deepest sleep your blood pressure shoots up. Way up. It lingers and if you have your BP checked in the AM during a visit to your GP for whatever reason you are likely to be put on medication for BP. Presto! Erectile dysfunction is a side effect of BP meds as well as heart meds, which will follow soon thereafter I can assure you most definitely.

I would show him this entire thread and if he is still a non-believe and has not had the crap scared out of him (at 30 I seem to recall that nothing bad could ever happen to me until my very best friend and brother died of Hodgkins; at which point I realized how fragile life really is). .... I would think seriously about your relationship as he obviously does not have YOUR best interests at heart (i.e. if he does not hold his own best interests at heart how can he possible care about you and yours?).

I spent this past summer in the hospital as a result of H1N1; three plus weeks on full life support and so on as a result of pneumonia. My partner was at my side the whole time advocating for me. You need to ask some hard questions here... is boyfriend going to be an advocate for YOU? "Please explain how that is going to work if you are dead tired or worse yet, just plain dead?"

[Julie]

Think of it this way... for decades baldness was considered un-sexy. Now everyone out there is doing it deliberately and there's NOThing unsexy about it! Besides, Darth Vader is as macho as they get .

[tattooyu]

I spent this past summer in the hospital as a result of H1N1; three plus weeks on full life support and so on as a result of pneumonia. My partner was at my side the whole time advocating for me. You need to ask some hard questions here... is boyfriend going to be an advocate for YOU? "Please explain how that is going to work if you are dead tired or worse yet, just plain dead?"

I didn't know you went through all that tCg. My friend's wife was in Germany on full life support -- including bypass -- and without some experimental drugs in the mix, she would have died.

My baby boy, Andrew, was born 13 weeks early and died in my arms in 2008. Life is fragile and a very special gift. Don't let your boyfriend squander it because of bravado and pride!

[dwsupt]

[quote="torontoCPAPguy] Not to scare you or anything. Losing weight is tough. My wife lost 150 pounds last year just before having her knee replaced and is scheduled for the other knee in May. The weight loss took her, incredibly, from uncontrolled diabetes using two different kinds of insulin to ZERO diabetees.

You can take it from here.... I think I've given you the starter talk. It gets worse from this point forward. There is only one way aside from surgery that I am aware of in treating serious APNEA and that is losing weight, using a blower and in very few cases, using a mouth appliance that does a half arsed job at best.

What you want to do is be seeing an MD specialist that you trust. You don't have to believe me. Just tell me he doesn't smoke. Please.

Otherwise please send the address for the wake as I haven't had dinner yet.[/quote]

May I ask how she did her weight loss? I too need to shed some at 49. Had a recent health scare with a heart murmur that turned out to be from a recent sinus infection and now is fine. Funny how facing ones mortality changes habits.

[dwsupt]

Is he aware that erectile dysfunction is one of the issues with sleep apnea? Hit him below the belt and buy a vibrator and put it in a prominent place and tell him it is for the times he won't be able to get it up soon.

Ouch. The gloves have come off!

[BlackSpinner]

May I ask how she did her weight loss? I too need to shed some at 49. Had a recent health scare with a heart murmur that turned out to be from a recent sinus infection and now is fine. Funny how facing ones mortality changes habits.

There are a couple of threads that some of us have been sharing on.

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49155&st=0&sk=t&sd=a
viewtopic.php?f=1&t=48898&st=0&sk=t&sd=a
viewtopic.php?f=1&t=48117&st=0&sk=t&sd=a

Most have to do with low carb style of eating.

[rach3l]

Is he aware that erectile dysfunction is one of the issues with sleep apnea? Hit him below the belt and buy a vibrator and put it in a prominent place and tell him it is for the times he won't be able to get it up soon.

Erectile dysfunction is not an issue for my man. In fact he's got the shortest refractory period of anyone I've ever had sex with. We have also already used a vibrator on multiple occasions so I don't think that's a viable solution

There were a lot more responses here than I anticipated. Thanks so much for the tips and anecdotes!

[MoneyGal]

Erectile dysfunction is not an issue for my man.

I think you mean to say, "Erectile dysfunction is not an issue for my man...yet."