Spouse is hating the CPAP

[boognish]

Well, it's been less than a week and my wife told me today that she's sick and tired of hearing about the CPAP machine. I didn't even think that I'd been talking about it much, but apparently too much for her. I know this isn't a counseling forum, but has anyone here ever had problems getting support from their spouses? I'm stressed beyond belief already, because it seems like I have central apnea, which is related to neurological issues, I have a strong history of heart disease in my family, and I've had several seizures in my life, the last of which was the catalyst for seeing my doctor and getting this machine.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here...maybe some coping strategies for dealing with spouses during this period of change, where they first see you hooked up to the Darth Vader equipment. I'm just about to the point of returning my CPAP and just playing the cards I was dealt.

[cflame1]

I know this will be harsh, but based on your other posts... are you just using her as an excuse?

[BleepingBeauty]

Sorry to hear you're having to deal with this, but you're not alone. There have been many discussions on the forum about this issue. FWIW, people who've never had to sleep in a mask have NO IDEA what we go through (especially in the beginning of therapy). One would hope that a spouse or partner would be very supportive, considering the negative health implications if therapy is not successful, but that's not always the case.

Some opt to sleep in another room until things settle down with the therapy so that they're not bothering their spouse with noise from leaks, making mask adjustments in the middle of the night, etc.

Please don't give up on the therapy. It takes time and effort to get things working properly, but it's worth the hassle. Hang in there.

[Marietjie]

I'm just about to the point of returning my CPAP and just playing the cards I was dealt.

NO! - you are not going to do that - I suggest you come to cpaptalk.forum only with your cpap problems -
here you can ask and talk as much as you like - best treatment ever! - give your wife a break! cpap therapy and equipment
is NOT 'pretty'. Wait for wify to ASK how you are doing - then answer her briefly (not long)
If your questions are too personal - you can PM a member. Actual, nothing is too personal on this forum because this
kind of therapy includes ALL personal relationships (as you know by now)
I, personal, suggest different bedrooms - if not - own beds!
Good day!

[Drowsy Dancer]

Have her try your mask on and see what the pressure feels like....

This thread may interest you:

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=61633&p=577128#p577128

DD

[Breathe Jimbo]

Does she know the potential consequences of untreated OSA - high blood pressure, obesity, depression, heart problems, stroke, etc.?

[idamtnboy]

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here...maybe some coping strategies for dealing with spouses during this period of change, where they first see you hooked up to the Darth Vader equipment. I'm just about to the point of returning my CPAP and just playing the cards I was dealt.

Have you looked at this thread up in the Announcements section? Maybe you can find some help there.

viewtopic/t61785/Especially-for-newly-d ... hange.html

[Starlette]

Hi Boognish.

I've been a committed cpap user for 2 years now. I'm the one that it was suggested to you that sleeps in the other room during transitional times (for me it's getting a new mask). I feel that Hubbs is entitled to getting his sleep. He doesn't need to hear me getting up in the middle of the night making an adjustment to my mask. I'm entitled to making my therapy work for me and getting the best quality sleep for my body. He'll ask why I'm sleeping in the other room, I say "mask issues". Nothing more is said.

As for you quiting your therapy, NO!!! You're concerned about your health and want what's best for it, otherwise you wouldn't have gone through the trouble of getting a cpap. YOU deserve a better quality of life and the cpap is the gateway. Your wife will soon be changing her view when she sees the difference it makes on you, and there will definitely be a difference for the the better, but that takes time.

Like your wife, my hubbs doesn't like the cpap either. However, now he tolerates it. And if he didn't Boog, I'd have to move on without his support. I deserve a better quality of life free of being a walking zombie during the day; waking up ready to go back to bed; not being able to concentrate during the day, just to name a few.

Starlette

[BlackSpinner]

Well, it's been less than a week and my wife told me today that she's sick and tired of hearing about the CPAP machine. I didn't even think that I'd been talking about it much, but apparently too much for her. I know this isn't a counseling forum, but has anyone here ever had problems getting support from their spouses? I'm stressed beyond belief already, because it seems like I have central apnea, which is related to neurological issues, I have a strong history of heart disease in my family, and I've had several seizures in my life, the last of which was the catalyst for seeing my doctor and getting this machine.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here...maybe some coping strategies for dealing with spouses during this period of change, where they first see you hooked up to the Darth Vader equipment. I'm just about to the point of returning my CPAP and just playing the cards I was dealt.

First of all by actually working on getting cpap therapy working you will be able to handle this much better. O2 helps the brain process new ideas and makes one a lot less grumpy.

The cards you ave been dealt include cpap therapy, it could be considered the wild card which will trump all the others.

Is this woman going push your wheel chair or change your diapers if you have a stroke since she can't handle you using a simple cpap machine? Think about it.

Get professional counselling to help both of you during this time and get couple counselling.

[bap40]

My husband preferred listening to my machine over listening to me snore and not breathe. He could relax during the night and not worry whether I was taking my last breath or not. I was away for 2 weeks with my daughter at Mayo clinic…… a whole different story in it's own, and he told me he actually missed the sound of my machine. So a totally different reaction as yours. I am sorry your wife is not happy with your equipment but don't on any circumstances quit your therapy. Maybe down the line she will realize what good has come out of your treatment. Hang in there for your sake and hers in the long run.

[boognish]

Slept in the spare room, without the machine last night. Tonight I guess I'll just have to move everything over to the spare room with me. Didn't think I'd be sleeping in separate beds at 38 years old

Oh well, I gotta get a handle on my health issues or I'm going to be a bundle of stress. Thanks for those links to the other threads; I'll look through them when I get a chance.

[BillH]

I hope I can get my point across so it makes sense. I guess a brief explanation about my situation would be in order.
I have been married for 41 years. For years my wife had been telling me that every night she wonders if I am going to be alive the next morning as I had this quaint habit of stopping breathing, then taking in a big gulp of air. This went on pretty much all night and I wasn’t sleeping worth sour owl poop. She kept saying that I should talk to my doctor about it but I never volunteered the information. (Everybody snores, it’s no big deal) I had a coronary event in 1999, (The year of what I call the great Northwest Hospital Tour, 4 weeks in three hospitals, but that’s another story). Finally, trying to get to the bottom of my sleep issues my doctor asked me the right questions and said “You need a sleep study” The result is a vast improvement for me, but somewhat of a challenge for my wife. She had to get used to A) the noise of the machine. B) the having air from my mask blowing on her face at night. C) all of the other nagging little annoyances of putting up with this situation including me talking about the miracle I was going through. She has never complained about any of this.
There are a lot of things going on here, some you can control, some you can’t. What you can do is to recognize the comfort issues for your wife and try to minimize what might be annoying her. For me, it was the noise my M- series CPAP made when running. The purchase of a muffler for the air inlet cured that problem. As for the constant stream of air blowing on her, I tried to use a mask that would allow the air direction to be changed, or at least lay so it wasn’t blowing on her. There has never been a problem with talking about this, but I try not to fix on the subject. Ther result is my wife has been 100% supportive thru all of this.
You need to try to look at the situation from your wife’s prescriptive, minimize as may things that may be annoying her, including your talking about your CPCP, as possible and hope that what you can’t change she can eventually adapt to.
I wish you all the luck in the world.

[DoriC]

Have her try your mask on and see what the pressure feels like....

This thread may interest you:

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=61633&p=577128#p577128

DD

You've gotten so much good advice here so I'd suggest you read this thread and maybe print it out and just leave it "lying around". Between the lines of having some good fun there's a lot of serious stuff to consider. In my case it was the opposite, my husband didn't want to hear about it and wasn't convinced at all about using the machine and I was the one talking non-stop about it. After I reversed my tactics and buttoned my lip he got curious and wanted to know what I was really learning about here. Keep us posted and don't consider stopping this therapy. It's your life.

[Wulfman]

Well, it's been less than a week and my wife told me today that she's sick and tired of hearing about the CPAP machine. I didn't even think that I'd been talking about it much, but apparently too much for her. I know this isn't a counseling forum, but has anyone here ever had problems getting support from their spouses? I'm stressed beyond belief already, because it seems like I have central apnea, which is related to neurological issues, I have a strong history of heart disease in my family, and I've had several seizures in my life, the last of which was the catalyst for seeing my doctor and getting this machine.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here...maybe some coping strategies for dealing with spouses during this period of change, where they first see you hooked up to the Darth Vader equipment. I'm just about to the point of returning my CPAP and just playing the cards I was dealt.

Is that implying that the wife is going to be "happy" to see you planted six feet under? Sounds like she may have some serious psychological self-centered issues of her own.

Were there any Centrals noted in your sleep study? If not, are you worrying needlessly? Faithfully using the machine should help.
What pressure(s) are you using? The charts you posted seem to indicate you're using a range of 4 - 20 cm. What was your prescribed pressure? That wide open range usually provides pretty lousy therapy. Do you sleep on your back? That's the worst position for having apneas.


Den

[boognish]

Well, it's been less than a week and my wife told me today that she's sick and tired of hearing about the CPAP machine. I didn't even think that I'd been talking about it much, but apparently too much for her. I know this isn't a counseling forum, but has anyone here ever had problems getting support from their spouses? I'm stressed beyond belief already, because it seems like I have central apnea, which is related to neurological issues, I have a strong history of heart disease in my family, and I've had several seizures in my life, the last of which was the catalyst for seeing my doctor and getting this machine.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here...maybe some coping strategies for dealing with spouses during this period of change, where they first see you hooked up to the Darth Vader equipment. I'm just about to the point of returning my CPAP and just playing the cards I was dealt.

Is that implying that the wife is going to be "happy" to see you planted six feet under? Sounds like she may have some serious psychological self-centered issues of her own.

Were there any Centrals noted in your sleep study? If not, are you worrying needlessly? Faithfully using the machine should help.
What pressure(s) are you using? The charts you posted seem to indicate you're using a range of 4 - 20 cm. What was your prescribed pressure? That wide open range usually provides pretty lousy therapy. Do you sleep on your back? That's the worst position for having apneas.



Den

It's a long, convoluted story. I took this sleep study over a year ago, and had moderate apnea, with 19 episodes/hour. I decided to try and treat it through positional modification, because I seemed to do considerably better on my side than on my back. I don't remember anything about central vs. obstructional apnea though after all this time. The positional thing sort of helped, and I still slept lousy, but maybe not as lousy as I did on my back. I pretty much considered the issue resolved.

Recently, however, I developed a debilitating sciatica condition. I'd wake up in the middle of the night feeling like someone was dragging a knife up and down my left leg, and my left foot has been completely numb for approximately three weeks. When I went to see my doctor about it, he gave me the standard suite of medicines and asked me if the positional modification had worked for my sleep apnea, because I never came back in to see him again. I told him that it might have helped a little bit. Long story short...sleeping on my back is about the only way I can sleep with my sciatica condition, but I can't breathe on my back, so my doctor told me to go get this CPAP machine, since the sleep study made me eligible for it, and it will allow me to more easily sleep on my back, which helps with my sciatica. My wife was pretty surprised to come home and see the machine by our bed, since I had my sleep study so long ago and the issue probably seemed resolved in her mind. Now, not only am I grumbling about my back all the time, I have this crazy machine hooked up to my face at night.

I don't even know if the long term effects of sleep apnea have crossed her mind; she probably just equates fixing it with getting more sleep and feeling more rested. So, I kind of dropped this on her out of the blue, and completely understand why she is a little confused about the sudden change in routine.