Newbie - not sure what to do...

[Darthlick]

Well here I am, a women, 53 years old 5ft 5inches and weigh 140 pounds, divorced for 14 years with a 21 year old son. Last Tuesday I was diagnosed with sleep apnoea and would need a cpap machine for the rest of my life, what a bomb shell, what a relief, what an absolute mix of emotions from complete horror, dread, the end of life as I knew it. Thoughts and emotions crowded into my head, I have always hoped that I would find a relationship but after this what are the chances of finding a relationship… can you imagine going out on that ever so important first date or may be the second and revealing that you have to be hooked up to a machine that makes you look like a cross between Darth Vadar and a Darlick but more importantly is the way that it makes me feel about myself… less than attractive; the possibility of losing you licence which is in my contract, so I could lose my job, house, life… but on the other hand the machine will save me from major complications health wise and for the first time in living memory I would be able to sleep.. the turmoil going on… I keep telling myself that’s its early days…
Well here I am, a women, 53 years old 5ft 5inches and weigh 140 pounds, divorced for 14 years with a 21 year old son. Last Tuesday I was diagnosed with sleep apnoea and would need a cpap machine for the rest of my life, what a bomb shell, what a relief, what an absolute mix of emotions from complete horror, dread, the end of life as I knew it. Thoughts and emotions crowded into my head, I have always hoped that I would find a relationship but after this the chance of finding a relationship… can you imagine going out on that ever so important first date or may be the second and revealing that you have to be hooked up to a machine that makes you look like a cross between Darth Vadar and a Darlick but more importantly is the way that it makes me feel about myself… less than attractive,; the possibility of losing you licence which is in my contract, so I could lose my job, house, life… but on the other hand the machine will save me from major complications health wise and for the first time in living memory I would be able to sleep.. the turmoil going on… I keep telling myself that’s its early days…

Night One
Today I had the delight of picking up my CPAP machine, again with dread and elation. I went out for a curry with friends and had a relaxing evening, came home and set the machine up ready to wear… my normal routine is to get ready for bed, read for a while and then snuggle down to sleep. So thought I would put my mask on before reading, err can’t do that because I have a full face mask and I can’t wear my glasses, ok deep breath and stay calm, I’ll just read for a while and then put it on, so mask on and working, stay calm and lie down. As the hours ticked by and I tried to stay calm and breath, often I would nearly fall asleep only to jolt awake, or I was having vivid dreams about wearing the dam mask, at one point as I was drifting off I must have turned over and the pipe clanged against the bed (I have a cast Iron one), my mind instantly thought there was someone under the bed like in Luther, deep breath and stay calm , got up around 2am and had to have a cuppa , I know, I know, on the list of don’ts it said no drinking anything with caffeine in it but I needed some comfort… Ok back to bed, deep breath and stay calm, mask back on and I did drift off until around 4am and continued to try hard to sleep but gave up around 5pm – here endith the first night.
Second Night
Well that was much better – went to sleep with only a couple false starts and must have slept from around 11:30 till around 3am and then off and on till around 5:30 and took a rest from the machine, so that’s an hour longer than last night, no great dramas, and I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday and more refreshed than I have been in a long while, if this keeps up all I will have to do is come to terms with the psychological effects and think what I’m going to do with all this energy.

First Night
Today I had the delight of picking up my CPAP machine, again with dread and elation. I went out for a curry with friends and had a relaxing evening, came home and set the machine up ready to wear… my normal routine is to get ready for bed, read for a while and then snuggle down to sleep. So thought I would put my mask on before reading, err can’t do that because I have a full face mask and I can’t wear my glasses, ok deep breath and stay calm, I’ll just read for a while and then put it on, so mask on and working, stay calm and lie down. As the hours ticked by and I tried to stay calm and breath, often I would nearly fall asleep only to jolt awake, or I was having vivid dreams about wearing the dam mask, at one point as I was drifting off I must have turned over and the pipe clanged against the bed (I have a cast Iron one), my mind instantly thought there was someone under the bed like in Luther, deep breath and stay calm , got up around 2am and had to have a cuppa , I know, I know, on the list of don’ts it said no drinking anything with caffeine in it but I needed some comfort… Ok back to bed, deep breath and stay calm, mask back on and I did drift off until around 4am and continued to try hard to sleep but gave up around 5pm – here endith the first night.

I've not written anything about last night yet as it was terrible and feeling very drained today but tomorrow is another day!



Susan x

[Janknitz]

Almost anyone here could have written that about how we felt getting the diagnosis and our first nights with CPAP.

Hang in there, it WILL get better and we are here to help. Let us know if you have any questions or concerns.

[tortoisegirl]

Welcome! Agreed that it gets much easier and we learn to adapt. I think its great you've already logged some sleep time with the mask. Some folks end up working up to it over a period of time, acclimating to it during the day at first, then a nap, then try for the night. One day at a time. Assuming you have one, work with your tech at the DME (place you got the machine) if needed on comfort settings, masks, etc. There are options, so if you are having problems, let them know. Most allow you to swap a mask out for free for example. Also feel free to post here. Best wishes.

[dadbar1]

It's no worse than wearing glasses, once you get used to it. It is only a big deal if you turn it into a big deal.

Being able to see clearly with glasses definitely matches how great I feel in the morning after another great night's sleep.

There are far worse medical device issues to deal with than cpap. I will gladly take my nightly mask over daily injections of insulin or a colostemy bag.

When you wake up feeling alert the next day, it is so worth it.....and no one even has to know that you are a fellow strapper.

[jencat824]

If you want to read before sleep (I'm a read-myself-to-sleep gal), then ask your DME to let you try another mask. Is there a reason you started with a FFM? If it was just the DME's choice, or perhaps the sleep-lab's choice perhaps another style will work for you.

If you can breathe thru your nose, ask to try the AirFit P10. Its a nasal pillow mask that's fairly new & has grrreat reviews. I'm currently using it as my primary, well actually my only mask. Do a search for P10 & you should find a thread began by Pugsy in Jan of this year. That will give you some input about the mask.

If you do need a FFM, ask the DME to let you try one that will allow you to read while falling asleep. My hubby recently started using the AirFir F10, a FFM without a forehead strap support. I'm not sure, but I think you could wear glasses with it. You might have to sit up to read, so that may not work as well. Just a suggestion.

If all else fails, you can try slipping a pair of cheap reading glasses under the straps to still be able to read. I'm a reader & that is how I fall asleep. I know that's not great sleep hygiene, but if its your routine & if it puts you to sleep, there are ways to work around it.

Before I found this forum, a couple of years ago, I used to slip my reading glasses under the strap of my nasal mask to maintain my reading routine. I did that for about 12 years. I've been on CPAP 14 years & I'm 54 years old. I'm living proof of 'where is a will, there is a way'.

Hang in there, you've gotten off to a great start. Post any & all your questions & these great people here will help you.

Jen

[49er]

Hi, it sounds like you are doing great. Your feelings are totally understandable and personally, I have found that when you quit trying to judge them, you make alot more progress. You will do fine.

As far as sleep hygiene rules, my motto is if it works for you, that is what counts. As an FYI, the other night, I broke every rule in the book and got better sleep than last night which was horrible, when the sleep hygiene police would have approved of everything I did.

49er