CPAP Products We Want to See

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 11:08 am

Good Morning AmAIRica - This all in one CPAP has a fully integrated humidifier, alarm clock, CD player and coffee maker. There is nothing better than waking up to the hearty aroma of coffee wafting through your hose. This should be available soon, once they figure out how to keep you from scalding when you throw it against the wall.

The Clingon Interface – A strapless mask that suctions to your face providing leak-less sleep. This mask system includes a separate vacuum attachment that is powered by the intake of your CPAP. The current downsides, discovered during testing, are the disfiguring mask marks and inexplicable compulsion to attend Star Trek Conventions.

The AHI Number Bed – Combining the comfort of a firmness selectable bed with an integrated hose system. Forget the scrunchies, now all you have to do is plug into your bed and breath away. Spouses switching the hose to increase the firmness of their bed partners has been the major drawback. However, I do understand that a number of 60 generates excellent results.

Magic FingAIR CPAP – All the benefits of snoring without the noise. Soon you will be able to once again deliver those soothing pre-therapy vibrations to the bedroom your loved one so enjoyed. Waking up to insert more quarters along with the cheap motel smell are the only things holding it back from a major marketing success.

Slumber Comfort – When your family says they miss your comforting rumbles or they laugh at your mask just throw this CD on the home stereo. Its unique sound mix of Hurricanes, trains, earthquakes and iceberg calving will have them begging to get therapy for your sound system.

The Aqua Lung – This specialty CPAP simulates the real Scuba experience. From its tropical fish projections on the ceiling to its genuine regulator mouthpiece it really helps you dive into sleep. Earn your PADI certification as you slumber. One thing to be aware of, this system has been prone to suffer from Deluge-Out.

yardbird · Post by **yardbird** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 11:19 am

What about the Darth Vader Total Coverage mask?
Or the Boba Phet bounty hunter special?

Or for those who play didjeridoo... a mask that takes advantage of our ability to breathe through our ears while maintaining a drone on the didj for extended periods of time.

rested gal · Post by **rested gal** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 11:20 am

ROTFL, Mike!!!

It's details like this -- "and iceberg calving" -- that make your crazy stuff such a treat to read! Keep 'em coming. I still want to buy stock in YOU!!

Apneaat22 · Post by **Apneaat22** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 12:34 pm

Breath through our ears for the didj? Wow I guess I learned to play that instrument incorrectly silly me just uses my nose :-p

Entertaining as always Mike

Adam

ozij · Post by **ozij** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 12:48 pm

"Deluge out" is the one that set me laughing out loud today.

O.

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 1:36 pm

yardbird wrote:What about the Darth Vader Total Coverage mask?
Or the Boba Phet bounty hunter special?

Or for those who play didjeridoo... a mask that takes advantage of our ability to breathe through our ears while maintaining a drone on the didj for extended periods of time.

Funny you should mention the didjeridoo. I heard it was an aboriginal homeopathic cure fighting snoring with snoring. I also heard that the first CPAP was a failed attempt at making a Player Didjeridoo. LOL

yardbird · Post by **yardbird** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 1:42 pm

mikemoran wrote: Funny you should mention the didjeridoo. I heard it was an aboriginal homeopathic cure fighting snoring with snoring. I also heard that the first CPAP was a failed attempt at making a Player Didjeridoo. LOL

hahahah... INDEED!

I find it to be QUITE a respiratory exercise, especially once I learned circular breathing. Your descriptions above do sound accurate when I consider them though.... hmmmm....

ProfessorSleep · Post by **ProfessorSleep** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 2:20 pm

How about a "Buford Pusser Walking Tall Hose Stand"?-- "you gonna put that whare, boy?"

Hilarious, as always Mike! Thanks.

If humor were the best medicine for OSA, we'd all be cured now!

snork1 · Post by **snork1** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 2:57 pm

I think they are almost there with the coffee maker.

Just have a timing mechanism hooked to the alarm clock snooze feature to crank up the humidifier, turn off the heated hose, and add one of those coffee pouches in the hose next to the mask. The resulting rainout draining into the mask will not only make a dandy cup of coffee, but it will serve it up even before you get out of bed!

Apneaat22 · Post by **Apneaat22** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 5:25 pm

The coffee one reminded me of someone I meant to ask a while ago. Has anyone every heard of using aroma therapy with the CPAP. As in introduce essential oils to the water in the humidifier so the air you are breathing is infused with it.

I personally believe in the effects of aroma therapy, but since CPAP bypasses the mouth restricting the sense of smell I am not sure if it would actually work or not. Also I am not sure if this sounds like a heath concern.

Any thoughts?

Adam

yardbird · Post by **yardbird** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 6:00 pm

I think the aroma therapy thing has some merit. At least enough to warrant further study. As to the bypass-the-mouth-and-restrict-the-sense-of-smell part.... mmmmm.... the jury's still out on that one for me. This time of year my Dalmatian eats a LOT of apples. She loves 'em! She has even gone so far as to learn how to leap up and pick them off the tree after I had the AUDACITY to rake up all the drops in an effort to slow her apple-grazing ways.

Anywho... many apples per day = gassy dalmatian. That's right. As i'm drifting off to sleep the other night..... "OH....THANKS A LOT!" ... right up my nose!

Good thing she's cute. Nasal pillows. Mouth closed. Still.... no mercy.

So the aroma therapy thing could be looked into. Just wuldn't be for folks that have contra-indications of course.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 6:39 pm

Maybe in the future mikemoran could enlighten us with some constructive cpap input...?

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 7:18 pm

[quote="Anonymous"]Maybe in the future mikemoran could enlighten us with some constructive cpap input...?

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 7:33 pm

Anonymous wrote:Maybe in the future mikemoran could enlighten us with some constructive cpap input...?

I am truly flattered that someone would solicit my constructive CPAP input. In fact pleased that you recognize I have that capability.

Lighten up its a fan, a hose and beats the hell out of pushing up daisies. LOL

Flow charts to follow.

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 7:38 pm

Mike,

I am so impressed. Not only do you have an incredible sense of humour and creativity, but you handled "guest" in a way I couldn't have even thought about. You take things in stride and don't let an a-hole like that get to you. This must be the same "guest" I had a bit of a problem with, too, the other night. Think I'd learn by now not to entertain these people at all. Just wanted to tell you how well you handled that lovely comment. Must be a miserable soul.

Lori

CPAP Products We Want to See

CPAP Products We Want to See

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