Why Do I Stay On CPAP? (Humor)

[mikemoran]

I have heard all the reasons the medical profession has given for us to maintain this therapy. Such as reducing our risk of stroke and eliminating one potential source of obesity. Then there are the benefits to our families, such as sleeping without being vibrated out of the bed or ceiling plaster raining down on you. Are these the real reasons we hose up every night?

Don’t know about you, but following Doctor’s orders is not something I am known for. Otherwise I would have given up smoking when I was twenty, not fifty. I might not have become a vegetarian, but the Golden Arches would not have looked so much like the entrance to paradise. Has working to meet a deadline and pots of coffee ever been the equivalent to “rest and plenty of liquids”? Diet and exercise always resulted in cookies and re-runs for me. With my track record, am I really someone a doctor should turn loose to take care of myself?

Maybe it is the family aspect that keeps me inflated. Yep that’s me, Joe Altruism. The same guy that let them get used to train running through their house for years, all of a sudden takes mercy on their ears. Next thing you know, I will be giving up the most comfortable TV viewing chair in the house along with the remote. I love my family, but when it comes to my comfort they know not to get between me and my recliner. Hmmm, guess that would mean disrupting my sleep to improve their rest is not quite number one on my must do list.

So I have looked shallowly into myself and come up with a few other reasons I plug into the electric people pump every night:

1. Toys. I love toys and nothing is better than an insurance subsidized one. No one else gets to play with it and I am the resident expert. Sure my son can beat me in Doom-Destroyer-Armageddon-Robot- Slaughter, but he never gets to tweak pressure like I do.
2. Masks. Masks are neat, and masks with hoses that make whooshing breathing sounds are even neater. Darth Vader, Hannibal Lechter, Green Hornet and El Kabong never would have captured our attention without their famous face pieces.
3. Battle scars. Okay, don’t have any evidence that women dig them, but they do get their attention. That red mark on the bridge of my nose has been the talk of the office for months now.
4. Software, charts and graphs. Who knew you could have so much fun obsessing on how you were breathing during the night? I used to just wake up feeling whatever I felt after a nights sleep. Now I have proof of what I should be feeling. Ain’t technology grand?
5. Diet avoidance. Still love walking through the “Heart Attack Arches”. Now that I am sleeping better, surely a few sesame seed buns won’t do that much artery clogging? I’m still trying to cling to this reason, but since my wife sees me on the machine every night she thinks I have taken an interest in my health. So lately it has been “Goodbye special sauce” and “Hello gym death machines”. Not my idea of “Pumping Up” at all.

I am sure that if I spent ten more minutes of introspection I would have a few more reasons, but I am afraid of dredging the puddle to deep. So what are your real reasons for nightly balloon sculpting?

[dsm]

Mike,

I have to go with the toys line

Here was a god sent opportunity (for me) to not only get subsidy to play with and learn about a bunch of fascinating electromechanical contraptions, but to use my 'survival' as the excuse. That just has to be tops.

Well perhaps I should rephrase, 'I can justify it easily to myself'

Cheers

DSM
(Prof of xPap technology )

[deedster]

After 5 years of divorce, I finally have something cuddly (hose cover) in bed with me every night that doesn't argue with me! (Ok, so sometimes we fight, but I usually win )

[Goofproof]

After 5 years of divorce, I finally have something cuddly (hose cover) in bed with me every night that doesn't argue with me! (Ok, so sometimes we fight, but I usually win )

And you don't have to give it the house if it kicks you out.