CPAP and Intimacy

[Erinome]

If I might bring up a delicate subject.... what do any of you do -- especially those of you who are single -- what do you do about CPAP while dating and (I'll just say it) having some overnight intimacy. I haven't stayed overnight with someone since beginning CPAP about 3 years ago, and to be frank I can't see it ever happening with someone I didn't know extremely well. So well that I can't see getting to that point in a relationship as long as I'm doing CPAP (which, it's clear, will be the rest of my life). It's just too unattractive and embarrassing....

I'm starting to think -- or, rather, to realize -- that I'll likely never be with someone again, unless it's a daytime romp where we then leave and go our separate ways. Which is a depressing thought. I'd still like to have that side of Life in my life. But I can't imagine how it can possibly happen, now.

Is this a problem for anyone else?

E

[bdp522]

Maybe it's just me, but...I wouldn't even think of becoming intimate with some one I didn't know extremely well.

Brenda

[Mary Z]

Even before I was on CPAP I would not have minded dating someone on CPAP. Think of all the funny stories you can tell from the forum. You just do the intimacy thing, cuddle up for a while and if it's nighttime, turn over, mask up and go to sleep. No, I can't imagine someone with a lick of sense in their head objecting to a CPAP. Much, much better than smoring! Live partner in the morning.

[Julie]

Hi- If you know them well enough to be intimate, you (should) know them well enough to explain about apnea... and we all know that those people will be intelligent, perceptive, empathetic, extra nice, have a sense of humor, etc. etc.

Seriously though, what about people who take a lot of meds?

People who have to step over the cracks in the sidewalk?

Once the lights are out (after playtime) it's not a big deal, and give your 'friends' some credit for understanding things and wanting to learn more, never mind being glad you're not going to kick off overnight because you've been vain.

[BlackSpinner]

If I might bring up a delicate subject.... what do any of you do -- especially those of you who are single -- what do you do about CPAP while dating and (I'll just say it) having some overnight intimacy. I haven't stayed overnight with someone since beginning CPAP about 3 years ago, and to be frank I can't see it ever happening with someone I didn't know extremely well. So well that I can't see getting to that point in a relationship as long as I'm doing CPAP (which, it's clear, will be the rest of my life). It's just too unattractive and embarrassing....

I'm starting to think -- or, rather, to realize -- that I'll likely never be with someone again, unless it's a daytime romp where we then leave and go our separate ways. Which is a depressing thought. I'd still like to have that side of Life in my life. But I can't imagine how it can possibly happen, now.

Is this a problem for anyone else?

E

Think like a teenager living at home. Sex happens where ever you can get a few minutes of privacy. The back of a Volkswagen, in the bushes on the mountain, in a hot tub, in the school stair well where the whiffs of cannabis flavour the air. Bedrooms and sleeping are not required.

For the more adventurous adult there are clubs available for every kink.

Just remember your condoms and practice safe sex.

After that, telling them about cpap should be a non issue. I mean after contortions in the back of a VW or being tied up together while wearing latex, what is the big thing about a cpap machine?

[jonnybee]

Deleted my original post for fear it may have offended some.

[portiemom]

I agree with BlackSpinner and Julie too, just need to add, think of all the other embarrassing thing
s that can happen when you become intimate, using your cpap should be the least and its not anembarrassment just a life enhancement system and you won't be embarrassed about room shaking snorting!

[newname]

I don't see a problem. Do what you have to do and then put on your mask or send the other person home. Who knows, they might have a cpap too and be thinking the same thing as you. I think it would be immature to be embarrased about cpap.
I once got mad at someone who was telling me about one of their family members on cpap and looked like Darth Vader. I told them how serious it is and not a laughing matter. Remember when people used to sleep with curlers in their hair? Some adults fall asleep sucking their thumb. That would be more embarrasing!!! Without my cpap, I yell, talk, and swear in my sleep. I'd rather have my mouth silenced by the mask than have someone hearing me make strange noises all night.

[BlackSpinner]

Do you think an occasional night off the cpap would be all that big of a deal? I don't lug the hose along when I go and visit relatives for a couple of nights. I'd gladly take a chance on dying to have a good roll in the hay!!

Never ever would I sleep without my cpap. I was in ER last winter, sitting up, drifted off and the alarm went off when I dropped below SPO2 78%. I wasn't even really asleep yet. Yeah - not going to happen.

[Kairosgrammy]

There is no reason you can't have that side of your life. Why be embarrassed? I realize its not the most attractive look but it is necessary for sustenance of life for you. I understand that you'd want to know the person fairly well before bringing up cpap but to be honest, would you really want a fling with someone you don't know fairly well. The risk of aids and such is far too great for casual flings, jmo. And if you are dating a guy who cares about you, he's not going to mind you and a cpap. Heck, he might use one also for all you know. It's not like you you are going to be using the cpap while making love. JMO but you might just need to get over the embarrassment of being a cpap user. It's no different than taking cholesterol medicine etc. It's something you do to stay healthy.

If I might bring up a delicate subject.... what do any of you do -- especially those of you who are single -- what do you do about CPAP while dating and (I'll just say it) having some overnight intimacy. I haven't stayed overnight with someone since beginning CPAP about 3 years ago, and to be frank I can't see it ever happening with someone I didn't know extremely well. So well that I can't see getting to that point in a relationship as long as I'm doing CPAP (which, it's clear, will be the rest of my life). It's just too unattractive and embarrassing....

I'm starting to think -- or, rather, to realize -- that I'll likely never be with someone again, unless it's a daytime romp where we then leave and go our separate ways. Which is a depressing thought. I'd still like to have that side of Life in my life. But I can't imagine how it can possibly happen, now.

Is this a problem for anyone else?

E

[chunkyfrog]

Considering alternatives--I'll take the CPAP over adult diapers any time.

[portiemom]

If I were you, I'd be thinking about that family member of yours recieving a call telling them that your corpse was laying in some strangers bed. I would never sleep without mine, how does someone do that, its like saying I think I will try not breathing tonite. Call me crazy.

[RationalEntropy]

If I could find someone, surely you can, too. My fiance accepted me for who I am. I am many things, but the relevant part... I have sleep apnea, and have a love/hate relationship with my ASV, but it helps. I think many people will accept it, but it is a matter of bringing it up at the right time. That is, not on the first date, and not three years later, but perhaps in passing a few days before the projected "intimacy before sleep time" commences, or after the fact.

With an appropriate bed partner/significant other a cpap/bipap/asv will be trivial in comparison to being with someone worth while. Why should such a device be a deal breaker. I think that there are far greater deal breakers out there.

This is just my 40% of a nickel. Good luck.

[Starlette]

agrees with ChunkyFrog

You wear your cpap "after" sex, not during. NOTE: Some have done so and reported to the forum
Me? I''ve been married for a long time. I look at this way: When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. It never hurts to spice up things in the bedroom and have fun at the same time with what you have and that includes my apap. I've done it, it's called "seduction"

Look at it this way (assuming your female), does he want to wake up the next day with a fog headed witch who won't be fully functioning that day because you didn't use your xpap last night? Or have someone ready to embrace the day with? To me the choice is rather obvious.

Starlette

[portiemom]

Aw, just tell em,"THEY TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY!" I couldn't resist!!