Preparing for your own death

[Suddenly Worn Out]

Thanks man,

I can relate strongly. Im feeling my age, I believe.

Eric

suddenly wore out ,
i can truly relate to your situation . Last April i had gall bladder rupture & went septic & was very close to the Angels in the OR. 11 days in hospital, meds & bags full of leviquin, zosan ,three shot of hepran daily, etc. i felt very depressed & even composed a poem i called " A Mountains Man Farewell". after getting out i felt very different about life and tried to make the most out of each day. i was fine until the 4th of july weekend , when i went septic again(blocked bile duct) from previous surgery. 6 more days in hospital with same routine. have been fine ever since. CPAP has helped me greatly & this forum has been a God send ! Keep the Faith Brother-one day at a time.
tim

[DreamStalker]

Im so calm, if I were any calmer, I'd be dead.

Eric

Can you get your doctor to give you something for your anxiety?
Just temporarily. You need to relax and calm down.
Give your body a chance to heal.
If you are freaking out, it raises your respiration and blood pressure, which ENHANCES pain.

You're like bouncing around between narcissism and bipolar and drugged out all at the same time.

[jencat824]

Eric,

I'm not sure I can add much except I'm going to pray for you. Whatever your religious belief's, I hope this may help.

Jen

[Suddenly Worn Out]

Thank you. I need the prayers. Im worried about my situation. It would not take much to destabilize me severely and Im not set up right now to be destablized more than a few weeks, maybe a month or two max.

Eric

Eric,

I'm not sure I can add much except I'm going to pray for you. Whatever your religious belief's, I hope this may help.

Jen

[SleepingUgly]

• Ignore the data from your machine for now. The results you're seeing now aren't going to be the ones you get after you recover. You aren't recovered.
• Days 4-7 or 8 were the worst for me.
• Read this: viewtopic.php?f=1&t=53426&st=0&sk=t&sd= ... ce#p495216
• I wouldn't eat a sub at this point. That will hurt. See above link for foods to eat.
• Stay on top of the pain medicine, meaning take it on time,as prescribed. You will need it at night longer than you'll need it in the day, and at some point you'll be able to switch to something less potent during the day, but not now.
• Catastrophizing doesn't mean there's really a catastrophe. Tonsillectomies hurt. Recovery takes time. Your data is meaningless. Repeat to self.

Oh, no problem, don't mention it.

[Dog Tired]

I know what you're going thru Eric.

I had my tonsils out in my early forties and what turned out to be "routine", ended up in a week in intensive care and the closest I have come to seeing "the other side".

It is hard, but you can get thru it. Minute by minute... and the pain (make sure you get the strongest pain relief possible and lots of it)... it is doable.

You do need a supportive doctor - my surgeon who performed the tonsillectomy couldnt have cared less about me. All he was worried about was discharging me and not affecting his clean stats.

Fortunately, I encountered a gastrointestinal surgeon who listened to me whan I said that crapping blood sixteen times in an evening couldnt have been normal. All the tonsil surgeon could say was that his procedure was done perfectly - never mind the patient almost bleeding to death internally.

JUST KNOW THIS - YOU CAN GET THRU IT!!!

[chunkyfrog]

Some things are a lot better done in childhood.
Tonsillectomy is one;
and now with mumps and chicken pox vaccine, the list gets shorter. . .
Other things come to mind, but none for here.
Rest, occupy your mind with soothing thoughts, beautiful music.
(if music, choose something you are not likely to hear a great deal down the road.--reminders are no fun)

[Suddenly Worn Out]

Yeah, today was the 8th day after. Still on prescription narcotic painkillers at night time and high doses of liquid motrin during the daytime. Still having mega high pressures along with continual torn up throat. Its slowly getting better but feels like my throat was knifed up (which it was). Also, my tongue is STILL swollen and inside my mouth there are sores that have appeared after the surgery, not sure where they came from.

The areas where the tonsils were at its still white and the scab has nowhere near fallen off yet. I see the ENT late next week for first followup. I knew it was going to be rough, just not THIS rough. Im saying three week recovery period now. All I care about now is my pressures drop back to pre surgery levels, say the 14s or even 15s. and my AHI drops back to normal.

Last two nights Ive had extremely abnormal central apnea scores, like 1.5 central apneas. Normally I have 0 central apneas to at most once in a while .1 to .3 central apneas.

I dont know whats going on, to be honest sleep apnea wise. The tonsillectomy was the easy part, that was a breeze. It was combining it with the CPAP that has been a major bitch and hard thing to do.

Eric

I know what you're going thru Eric.

I had my tonsils out in my early forties and what turned out to be "routine", ended up in a week in intensive care and the closest I have come to seeing "the other side".

It is hard, but you can get thru it. Minute by minute... and the pain (make sure you get the strongest pain relief possible and lots of it)... it is doable.

You do need a supportive doctor - my surgeon who performed the tonsillectomy couldnt have cared less about me. All he was worried about was discharging me and not affecting his clean stats.

Fortunately, I encountered a gastrointestinal surgeon who listened to me whan I said that crapping blood sixteen times in an evening couldnt have been normal. All the tonsil surgeon could say was that his procedure was done perfectly - never mind the patient almost bleeding to death internally.

JUST KNOW THIS - YOU CAN GET THRU IT!!!

[Dreamingofsleep]

Dear Suddenly,
Hey I like your tone. At least you sound pissed and have spirit. Hang in there. I have been praying for you. I really think it just makes sense that the AHI is going to vary right now with all this inflammation. Gosh, I wonder if it's better to not have all that air blowing on areas that are tying to heal...isn't there a doc who can intelligently address this?

My prayers will continue and don't let "em get you down!! Good things are ahead

God bless,
Dreaming

[BlackSpinner]

Gosh, I wonder if it's better to not have all that air blowing on areas that are tying to heal...isn't there a doc who can intelligently address this?

It is a trade off. Lack of quality sleep and inadequate O2 versus the air blowing (which it really isn't and it is warm and humid) The required O2 usually wins the day.

[HoseCrusher]

It sounds like it is time to move on to the next phase.

STOP looking at your numbers.

The algorithm is set up for a somewhat "normal" person having a somewhat "normal" sleep.

If you were scheduled for a sleep study and showed up and informed them that you just had your tonsils out, they would send you home. They know that the criteria they use would not be valid for someone recovering from surgery.

In place of reviewing your numbers every morning, start a journal. Write down how you feel and how you think you slept the night before. Also write down your "visualization" of your journey back to health.

2 weeks from now you can go back and take a look at your numbers and see if your assessment of how you feel matches the numbers the machine gives you.

[Suddenly Worn Out]

Hi Dreaming,

Thank you for praying for me, I dare say I need it right now. There is indeed a lot of inflammation in my airway right now still. I just ate some mashed potatos and believe it or not it hurt like hell to eat friggin mashed potatos!!!!! The best analogy I can come up with it very simple, when I eat a lot of foods right now, it feels like Im pouring salt onto an open wound, literally that is what it feels like.

Ive "discovered" Ensure. I thought it sounded nasty but I found if I put them in the fridge for at least six hours, then put them in the freezer for say, 45 minutes and get it really cold and shake the bottles up, its not that bad. Its food for someone who is laid up and Im definitely in laid up condition right now and for the next few weeks. Eight Ensures equals 2000 calories. Im finding eight ensures a day broken up by a meal with real food every other day is about all I can tolerate right now,along with a lot of cold water, pop sicles and cold diet sodas dont seem to bother it much.

I made the decision to discontinue the testosterone therapy I have been on since last summer, been injecting testosterone cypionate since November every 12 to 14 days. I decide with the elevated central apnea index I recently suddenly developed and the high pressures and such, discontinuing testosterone is probably a wise thing for me to do right now. I can always go back to it in a few months, if I want to. It really did not help that much anyway, beyond some improvement in libido and erection strength and those are low on my priority list right now...being able to breathe normally, sleep normally and just "feel OK" is more important at my age.

The APAP has to stay. Without it, I could easily stroke out or have a heart attack in my sleep and die. Especially with these powerful narcotic painkillers Im on right now that depresses my airway and breathing even more than normal.

Anyway, super drugged up feeling, out of it feeling, still in pain but surviving.

Eric

Dear Suddenly,
Hey I like your tone. At least you sound pissed and have spirit. Hang in there. I have been praying for you. I really think it just makes sense that the AHI is going to vary right now with all this inflammation. Gosh, I wonder if it's better to not have all that air blowing on areas that are tying to heal...isn't there a doc who can intelligently address this?

My prayers will continue and don't let "em get you down!! Good things are ahead

God bless,
Dreaming

[Suddenly Worn Out]

The algorithm is set up for a somewhat "normal" person having a somewhat "normal" sleep.

Yeah I know. I just freaked out. I dont like having the elevated central apnea index (1.4 last night). Or the mega high 95th percentile pressures. Hopefully its all painkiller and knifed up airway causes. It all happened after the surgery. I freak because I think about having to go back to the "way it was before CPAP" for years, where I was disabled for about ten years. And about died, really. I cant go back to that.

Eric

[Dreamingofsleep]

Wow Eric,
You are courageous and perseverant! The wonderful thing is someday soon you will look back at this and be amazed at how far you've come.

We are behind you. You are not alone. Prayers are still coming,

Dreaming

[quietmorning]

Eric, I have not read all the other replies, as your original post is so very emergent - I'm just going to post this now in hopes that you will pay attention and go to the ER.

I have had death premonitions in the past - and each and every time, I didn't take it as a premonition (as in something that is GOING TO HAPPEN) BUT AS A WARNING.

Your brain is an amazing device - it sends out signals and if everything isn't as it should be, it sounds ALARMS - and communicates through your right brain, which sends you PICTURES. . .

Every time I listened to those warnings, I was either minutes or hours from death. I went to the ER and they saved my life.

Listen to them. They are WARNINGS. If you went to the doc and they shrugged and said they don't think it's anything - go back. The first time this happened to me, I went to three different docs to three different emergency room visits - the THIRD doc found the problem, immediately admitted me and saved my life.